Toledo Mud Hens make offer to Manny

Yesterday afternoon the Toledo Mud Hens send Scott Boras the parameters for a Manny Ramirez contract I like the aggressive move by the Mud Hens to put an end to this insanity. Plus it would probably help with AAA attendance and would provide a nice insurance policy should something happen Timo Perez. The proposal is below:

February 27, 2009

Scott Boras

3 San Joaquin Plaza

Suite 100
Newport Beach, CA 92660-5944

Dear Mr. Boras,

Here we go again.

If you remember, we offered your client Alex Rodriguez a $35 million dollar contract in October of 2007. For some reason, he decided to pass on this lucrative windfall.

We would now like to make an offer for the services of outfielder, Manny Ramirez.

Manny’s bat would provide some nice protection in the middle of the line-up between Mike Hessman and Jeff Larish. With a short porch of 320 feet down the left field line, Manny is sure to hit a few homers out onto Monroe Street.

With the tough economy, we do not have as much money to offer your client as we did with A-Rod but are confident that the terms below are more than fair.

Mr. Ramirez would receive an hourly wage of $10.54 (this number was calculated by taking his 527 career HR and doubling it). We had to double it as $5.27 is below minimum wage. So if Manny gets to Fifth Third Field early on a game day, he could make nearly $100.

That is not all. Manny is welcome to still wear jersey #24 with the Mud Hens. In fact, Manny will receive a 24% discount on all merchandise in the Swamp Shop souvenir store, and he can enjoy 24 complimentary Muddy Dogs (chili, cheese, and onions) per homestand. Yummy!

We look forward to hearing back from you on this somewhat lucrative and delicious offer!

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Joe Napoli

President/General Manager

Toledo Mud Hens Baseball Club

10 Comments

  1. Russ in Indy

    February 28, 2009 at 8:43 am

    This HAS to be a joke, right? Who uses “yummy” in a professional letter?

  2. rings

    February 28, 2009 at 9:33 am

    Hilarious! If the media picks this up, it’ll be the best pub for the Hens since Klinger.

  3. Jason in Indiana

    February 28, 2009 at 11:53 am

    Top shelf… I know I can always count of DTWB for breaking the big stories!

  4. Rob

    February 28, 2009 at 2:06 pm

    Haha, great stuff billfer. I can’t wait to see Manny in Toledo.

  5. Anthony Lewis

    February 28, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    If I were Manny I would actually do this. It would easily be the best thing to ever happen in Baseball. If I could afford to do it like he clearly can I would already be in Toledo!

  6. Chris in Dallas

    February 28, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    Is this from the Onion?

  7. billfer

    February 28, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    Glad everyone liked it, but it wasn’t my creation. This came from the Mud hens. All the credit is theirs.

  8. Dave BW

    March 1, 2009 at 10:54 am

    They might be even better than Napoli’s contract offer to A-Rod a couple of years ago

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  10. Joey in Portland OR

    March 3, 2009 at 1:56 am

    HA I love it!