Stack them on top of each other (people, not seats) if you have to. I want money. I’ve been talking with Gary, and he’s tentatively agreed to a deal that sends him to the Red Sox, where he will – by design – underperform and get injured. But it’s going to cost us. That and Coleman’s construction project.

It may seem odd that the owner/GM/manager has never even been to the ballpark. but I’m a busy man. It appears to me, from photographs, that seats and boxes at Comerica are way too big. After announcing that ticket prices are to be slashed a full 10% across the board, make them smaller by half, and institute an overbooking policy. Hire lots of cheap security, and install parking meters at all seats and boxes, and make all aisles and walkways toll roads. Charge a fee for leaving, a penalty for leaving early, and charge extra for leaving after Tigers wins. Cover all of this up with all manner of fun, happy-time promotions, and don’t forget the slogans.

Of course, these are just suggestions.

Doh! How did I miss that one?

Maybe the Tigers can kidknapp some Twins prospects. Oh, it’s no use. It just doesn’t feel original now. I think I need a knapp.

I’m trying to leave the cupboard bare for Coleman the Wampire. But I’m pretty sure I haven’t.

Snorg Girl is just impossibly cute. Though my thoughts are pure and my intentions nothing but good, it might be better if she said nothing. My illusions shatter so easily.

Back to business. Issue #1! Tigers pitching! Is this tired staff ready for a Knapp? Willis or Won’tis? If Willis walks, will he walk? Will Knappster’s file sharing face a challenge from Leyland Records? Will Knapp be called on the carpet? With a crowded field of potentially good starters, do the Tigers forego an acquisition and concentrate on the pen instead? Or do they knabb a knew guy with a knack for knot issuing free passes, building around a poster boy for the knew regime, as it were? Will lack of instant results warrant a Knappsack? Knot! Is Rodney in a field of danger? Trade danger, that is.

A Tigers-oriented McLaughlin Group would be fun. The McLeyland Group. Instead of “Wroooong!”, our host’s catchphrase could be “That’s horse___.” Hey, it’ll be on cable.