For once, I can claim a clear conscience. I didn’t even know about the mustache.

For the record, I’ve always been a staunch supporter of the right to experiment with facial hair, and I’ve always been there with moral and emotional support for the brave men (and women) who defend out country against entirely bald upper lips, chins, and cheeks. Yet it’s no contradiction that I was there to defend Todd Jones when he shaved. Freedom is what I’m all about. I am pro-choice on facial hair.

But freedom is one thing, and condoning what violates common decency quite another. Join me in my campaign to end the unseemly practice of eyebrow-plucking before it, too - along with the use of purple lip gloss - spreads to MLB.

I haven’t received my last few issues of the newsletter, T. I’m feeling a little adrift and out of focus.

There is no injury. The oblique is a pretext. He is on the 15 day DL to have time (outside public scrutiny) to grow in his mustache without being ridiculed by DTW posters and the extended Detroit Metropolitan area.

We should all be ashamed people. To lose our best hitter for 15 days, and for what? A joke or two? Have we no natural material or wit without rendering an innocent, facial-hair challenged All Star the butt of our jokes?

I am ashamed of myself. Simply ashamed.

Just regular stats today, folks:

RISP OPS and RBI/RISP PA

Inge .921 (.390)
Ordonez .871 (.312)
Thames .870 (.386)
Polanco .841 (.304)
Sheffield .778 (.269)
Guillen .776 (.313)
Renteria .736 (.278)
Granderson .724 (.409)
Thomas .703 (.304)
Cabrera .697 (.333)
Rodriguez .641 (.274)

Expecting the 2 numbers to go hand in hand, I looked into why they didn’t.

Granderson is insanely good at getting the guy home from 3B. Surprised by the mediocre OPS, though. His OBP plummets with RISP - 1 walk in 44 PA.

Rodriguez is just another guy altogether with none on. He needs to be pulled from the game immediately when due up with RISP.

They only thing standing between Renteria and exposure as a complete RISP black hole is 2 grand slams.

Gil! Why? But he’s very, very good with a guy on 1B, somehow. He wrings out a good amount of RBI out of RISP opportunities, better than Ordonez and Guillen, so why am I complaining? That .697 bugs me, don’t know how he gets 33 RBI out of it. His whole RISP line is disappointing except for that part. No franchise guy slugging here.

I know I’m demanding, but I feel Magglio should have 60 RBI, not merely 50. I looked and looked… aha! Failure with the bases loaded. There’s your missing 10 RBI, Maggs.

There’s no denying that Inge has gotten it done here, .215 BA and 33% K rate and all. The numbers speak for themselves. Will he the same when he comes back? I suggest starting Pudge every day and then pulling him for Inge as suggested above.

Guillen’s getting decent RBI out of opportunities. So why the lower than expected OPS? He’s not slugging with RISP.

Thames, looking good all around, despite a .225 BA with RISP. Home runs help, but get this - 10 of 16 have come with men on, including 6 with a man on 1B.

Thomas getting on base a bit more would be Polanco #2. Why can’t he be Raburn? Or why can’t Raburn be him?

Sheffield’s problem is that walks don’t usually drive in runs. He also can’t get a guy home from 3B with 2 outs to save his life. It’s outside the scope of the above numbers, but his line with men on is just… unreal. Let’s hope he gets it together on a consistent basis. With Ordonez out, right about NOW would be a good time, Gary.

Polanco - you can’t ask for more in a #2 hitter. Is he the best in the game? You tell me. It’s easy to see why, with all the crazy lineup suggestions we have, no one messes with #2.